Strap-ons can significantly enhance your experience of penetration, power dynamics, and connection. Whether you are brand new or already comfortable strapping in, the difference between "meh" and mind-blowing usually comes down to a few wise choices. At SpiceRack, we talk about sex like people who actually have it, so here are the strap-on tips that make strap-on play feel confident, connected, and hot.
Strap-On Tip #1 Start With the Right Strap-On Setup for Your Body
If your harness shifts, digs, or feels awkward, your confidence disappears fast. Fit matters more than anything. A good harness should sit securely on your hips, feel balanced, and stay put once things get moving. Adjustable straps and soft materials make a massive difference, especially for longer sessions. Explore different harness styles and strap-on options in the SpiceRack Strap-On Toys and Harness collection to find what works best with your body rather than fighting it. Strapless strap-ons are fantastic for intimacy once you build comfort and control, while classic harnesses are unbeatable for stability.
Prioritize stability over aesthetics.
A harness that looks cute but shifts mid-thrust will pull you out of the moment fast. Look for wide waist bands, adjustable leg straps, or O-ring placements that sit flat against your pelvis so the toy moves with your body, not against it.
Fit it to your strap-on to your hips, not your waist.
Strap-ons work best when they anchor low and snug around the hips. This gives you more natural thrust control and reduces strain on your lower back during longer sessions.
Adjust twice, then trust it.
Set your harness while standing, then recheck it while lying down or on your knees. Arousal changes posture and muscle engagement, and that second adjustment is often what turns awkward movement into smooth, confident motion.
Strap-On comfort equals confidence.
Soft materials, flexible straps, and breathable designs matter more than people admit. If something pinches, digs, or distracts you, your focus shifts away from pleasure.
Strap-On Tip #2 Choose a Dildo That Matches the Experience You Want
Strap-on sex is not about size unless you want it to be. Shape, flexibility, and material matter just as much. If you are newer, slimmer, and slightly flexible, dildos are forgiving and comfortable.
More experienced players may enjoy firmer toys that give stronger feedback and pressure. Realistic dildos feel familiar and grounding, while smooth silicone dildos are perfect for longer, slower sessions.
Pro move: Match dildo firmness to your favorite positions. Firmer toys perform better at shallow angles, while flexible toys perform better in positions that require adaptability.
Strap-On Tip #3 Master Thrust Control Before Speed
Good strap-on sex is about control, not pounding. Slow, intentional thrusts help your partner relax and actually feel what you are doing. Once rhythm and connection are established, speed becomes optional rather than mandatory.
Focus on how your hips move, not how fast you go. Slight movements can feel more profound and more intimate than big, dramatic ones, especially with curved or textured strap-on dildos.
Communication makes this hotter: Because you are reading sensation instead of feeling it directly, feedback is gold. Words, breath, and body movement tell you everything you need to know.
Strap-On Tip #4 Lube Is Non-Negotiable
Strap-on sex without enough lube is just friction pretending to be sex. Choosing the right lube, whether it’s water-based lube, keeps silicone toys happy and makes penetration smoother and more comfortable. Reapply more often than you think necessary, especially during longer sessions or when switching positions.
A well-lubed strap-on experience feels deeper, more relaxed, and way more pleasurable for everyone involved.
Strap-On Tip #5 Confidence Comes From Practice, Not Perfection
Nobody straps on a harness and magically becomes flawless. Confidence grows with repetition, curiosity, and a willingness to laugh when something feels awkward. Strap-on play is mental as much as physical.
Exercises that actually help with strap-on confidence:
Hip Mobility Drills
Slow hip circles, lunges, and pelvic tilts help you learn how to move your hips independently from your upper body. This translates directly into smoother, more controlled thrusting and less lower-back fatigue.
Core Engagement Practice
Planks, dead bugs, and standing balance exercises build stability, so the motion comes from your hips rather than your lower back. A strong core makes strap-on movement feel intentional instead of forced.
Pelvic Floor Awareness
Gentle pelvic floor engagement and release, similar to kegels but without constant clenching, helps you understand how your pelvis moves and responds. This awareness improves rhythm and endurance.
Mirror or Solo Practice
Wearing your harness while fully clothed and practicing slow movements in front of a mirror may seem counterintuitive, but it quickly builds muscle memory and confidence. You learn how the harness sits, shifts, and responds before you are in a sexual moment.
Position Rehearsal without Pressure
Try different positions with pillows or furniture to understand angles and leverage. This removes performance anxiety and lets your body learn what feels natural.
The more familiar you are with your gear, the more present and powerful you feel using it. Experiment with different harnesses, dildos, and positions from spicerack.com and let your body learn what works over time.
Final Thought on Improving Your Strap-On Game
Strap-ons are not about replacing anything. They are about expanding the definition of intimacy. With the right tools, solid technique, and genuine curiosity, strap-on sex can become one of the most satisfying and connected parts of your intimate life.
