Dirty talk fails for one reason: people try to perform a character instead of describing what is actually happening. The performed version sounds like bad dialogue because it is. The version that works is closer to narration, and it takes no confidence at all to start.
The three levels
Level one: description. Say what is happening or what you can see. "You feel incredible." "I can feel you shaking." Factual, true, and it requires no invention.
Level two: instruction and request. "Don’t stop." "Harder." "Tell me what you want." Useful as well as hot, because it doubles as communication.
Level three: fantasy and scenario. The performed stuff. This is where most people start, which is why most people fail. Get comfortable at one and two first.
Why it works
Arousal is substantially cognitive. Hearing that you are wanted, specifically and out loud, does something that touch alone does not, and it also removes ambiguity about whether things are landing.
How to start without dying of embarrassment
- Start with sounds. Not talking, just being audible. Most people are quieter than they think.
- Then single words. "Yes." "There."
- Then describe one true thing. That is level one and it is enough.
- Try it by text first if speaking is the barrier. Considerably lower stakes and it builds the vocabulary.
- Lights off, or from behind. Removing eye contact removes most of the self-consciousness.
What to avoid
Anything you would not say sober. Anything about a partner’s body they have expressed insecurity about. Names of other people. And a voice that is not yours, which is the single most common failure.
Setting the scene
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Low Pressure Additions
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Remote controlled toys make dirty talk considerably easier because there is an obvious thing to talk about. FemmeFunn Unda, Versa Bullet and We-Vibe Pivot all put control in someone else’s hands, which gives the conversation structure. Our long distance guide covers the format.
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